Hello,

When reading this, i hope you wont be upset or mad. It might make you feel awkward somehow but pls stay calm. Not sure if you are gonna read this post when i give it to you, but i'm still gonna write it, truthfully. Pardon me for any selfish thoughts or wrong intentions written.

Thoughts of last night, to be frank, it was sad. I didnt sleep at all. Reading through the msges over and over again.

Lets just talk about our friendship. I believe we dont really call each other best friend for nothing, To others it could just be a status, but to me, its special. Using words just dont prove how good terms we are. We know it ourselves. Its kinda amazing how well we clicked over this 1.5 years. A friend whom i can spend my whole day with, whom i can talk to so comfortably without worrying if you would judge me. Someone whom i want to share my sad & happy moments with. I got other very gd friends, like yiling dave jianteck jinpei.. But it just feels different when i'm with you, maybe because i know you never leave.

I still rmb how you stayed at my side when i'm feeling really down, listening to all my craps i'm going through. A lot of times, a listening ear is all i need, helping me to pull through those tough time. I rmb how we used to ask each other out just to have meals, as simple as that. Going out finding nice place to eat and chill out. I like how we always have plans for ourselves, even like going overseas tgt. Those days i nvr forget because that was when i was being myself and happy.

But true enough, there are also a few disappointing moments. I believe the one that made me the saddest was during my graduation day. My big day, all i wished was to spend it with my best friend. A lot of times idk why, i had never find myself getting angry at you. Seriously not even once. Even if you upset me, i forgive and push away the matter. Because there isn't any reason for myself to stay that way

True enough, a few months back, i felt a little different towards you. I wasn't sure if i really fall for you at the point of time, so i kept a safe distance and remain as best friend status. Reason being, i don't want any foolish thoughts to spoil our friendship. I continue to stay as normal, texting you and meeting u once in awhile like how we used to be. Until i felt that it was true, i began to drop hints. Idk if you get those hints. I started to think of you , wanting to see/ text you. I got scared when you started to give me cold replies and sometimes even no msges from you. Talking to you on the phone sometimes do make my day. I believe its obvious who is the 'someone special'. I felt worse when you talk to me about other guys. I know i dun have the right to ask about those ppl but just hate myself for being a little jealous.

All the while i know, you had treated this r/s as a very gd friendship. Same here, things i did was just because of the pure friendship we have. But nvr did i know you even drew a clear line for us. Like i said, i nvr wanted to confess over the phone. Some things are meant to express thru words in person. But last night i realized if i do it, perhaps i wont have another chance, for i had already forgo alot of opportunities. All this years i had nvr tell anyone about my feelings. Now i had the chance, i wont let go that easily.

Idk what would happen to us if i were to persist on. I've told myself, this is i should not give up anymore. All the while i had been truthful even as a friend, so i believe i should do the same for you and myself. And it had nvr ever been my intention to make friendship turn sour because of this. I know, i had been rejected. And as i always do, will respect your decision. Perhaps something i dun understand is why am i being push away. Is there any point of time u felt the same way as i do? Or you fear the old things might happen again? :/

Honestly, i'm very upset over 2 things. One, my feelings for you was rejected. Two, our friendship. But what made me feel really down if when u said u were wrong that true friendship exist. Some part of me just died and i felt lost suddenly.. Is our friendship not as strong as i thought it would be?

Somehow we cant deny that our friendship is being affected. Maybe this time round we really wont contact or meet each other for the time being. But i really hope you can take this time to cool down. Because I still want to be the one whom you can lean on, giving you directions when you lost your way, going out, watching movies, enjoy music tgt and many more..

Gdnite (: