Met up with Siu Kiat to slack last night. Pity Jason couldn't come down. So we chatted for 3 hrs straight nonstop. From army, to recent stuff that happened, to love life, to friendships, to abt future. Really, i learnt alot through the 3 hr chat. Such a waste that we could only meet up before i enlist because everytime we plan to meet, it fails. Partially my fault for not making the effort to find time for them..

Tmr is enlistment day. Honestly, i'm feeling very sian/nervous/cold/sleepy etc. Gonna sell my 22 months away to NS. Monday - friday in camp, weekend also dunno if got enough free time anot. Packed all my stuff, and my ocean pack also explode, like going for holiday. Don't know what is prepared for me inside, just gonna go in and enjoy my time there. And chiong my rank to be officer.

I think i bought the wrong phone to bring in. The phone got mp3, can call and msg. No internet nvm, but no picture gallery! Omg.. gonna miss my pillow, my maggie mee, mac.. Lol. Ok serious.. gonna miss my family, pebble, friends, good friends, brothers..and my bestfriend. Oh well no photos to view at night..

Wanted to ask Renee if she want to come along tmr. As in really hope she can come. Just wanna see her for one more time before i get 'locked in'. But i'm afraid it will be awkward because of certain reasons,and people will thought i bring gf when its not :x Plus after some enlightment from siu kiat last night, i guess i gotta drop the idea. POP that day..not very sure either. For now just hope there will be time to send msgs once in a while in tekong.

Oh well, new phrase in my life. Training to be a man. And also a time for me to clear my mind, become more mature and..be fit. Hahaha. NS, i'm gonna own you!!!!!

If you get drunk easily, then dont drink. If you wanna drink, make sure you dont come back home drunk. I feel ashamed to see you doing and say all this unwanted things. Even though you are my dad, you dont gain any respect from me at all. Frustrating, getting out of my house now..

Had a great night ytd. Arcade at marina square before heading for The Corner Place Korean BBQ buffet. Very weird. I personally went down on saturday to make reservation for monday dinner and they say they cant find my name. But they still allow us in as 'walk-in', if not no choice but to make noise alr. Service was soso, food wasn't that bad. Alot of meat to grill and ala cart to choose too. Only bad thing is drinks not included.

More photos at http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150348777195186.348348.644420185&type=3

I guess the highlight of the dinner is everyone playing ard with the seasonings. Purposely add salt and pepper on the meat when they grill. Prank each other and at the end we even played zhong ji mi ma and scissors paper stone with losers eating the meat with lots of seasoning. Damn salty and spicy sia..

The best dinner i had with my friends since i quit my job. At least we enjoyed the pranks tgt, and played along. People who dont take jokes seriously/to heart. With them around, i can be myself and talk crap freely. Lame stuff, who cares..we still laugh at it. Hahahaha. :D

Awesome halloween night. Went to downtown east's 'helloween' event. It was great, costume was good. Place was nicely decorated. Lots of stuff to play to. But we went too late, and the queue to play the stuff was too long. So my friend drove to clarke quay instead. Freaking crowded. And the weird thing is, the people dressed in cartoon characters there instead of horror costume instead. It felt like cosplay instead.

Then followed my friends to JB to pump petrol and lepak. Reached there at 2 plus and it was dinner time for us. Ordered ramly burger, wedges, briyani ayam and ice milo for 17RM ($6.80) only! But i always hated going malaysia because of the safety over there. Only reach home at 4am and wah so full and tired...

Glad to see you again, after 2 months. Although we talk like how we used to just now, somehow i felt some awkwardness. Those moments when we didn't know what to talk about, and our eyes were looking elsewhere. And didn't know where to go after our dinner too.

Nevertheless, i still felt happy. Sad to see you look so stress. Really hope you are coping well in your studies. Not sure if i still can see you one more time before i enlist.

Bye Kelyne. Take care in china. Work hard and enjoy your time there! Cya in 5 months!

Nightmare of the night. Man United lost to Man City. 1-6. OMG Idk how did they got trashed so badly. Damn.. So its proven that with money, you can buy happiness. Dont care who win the league now, as long as its not Man City can already. Red devils, fighting!

Disappointed with 13cells seriously. So excited to go for a halloween event for the first time, i feel like i got scam.

Bought tickets from groupon which had 50% discount a few weeks back and suppose to go ytd, 21st October, 10pm. The 13cells staff wrote on their website they will send a confirmation email 3 days before the event date. Waited until thursday, no response at all until i called them at night. So firstly, service sucks.

Ytd went to bukit brown cemetary. We were made to wait for 1.5hrs before entering. Suppose to go in groups of 4 at a time, but due to the long queue they mixed 10 person in a group. Tot walking in smaller group will be more fun and scary, the excitement was spoiled.

The trail route is very simple, just walk straight all the way. From what i remember, there's around >10 actors around to scare people, and their costume is very cheapskate. The props they used are just hell notes, candles lying on the ground. Nothing scary at all.
.
The stuff they gave us were a pass, light stick, pinky finger size bottle with holy water in it, and certificate of bravery. All cheapo stuff. So i spent $19 for a nightwalk and still have to cab home. Went to their facebook to check and it was filled with negative comments. Not gonna go for this event anymore. Should have go the USS one instead. But hard to find people to go with too, since the tix is at $60

This morning woke up, abs area in pain. Until now it still hurts when i sneeze, bend over or stand up. Dunno why too :/

Anw finally bought my birkenstock sandals. But pocket got burnt. It cost $109 T.T So many designs to choose. Learnt something, some designs are nice on the shelf/pictures. But you wont know if it fits and suits you until you try them on.

Was watching this particular ep of family outing when YeJin and Chun Hee leaving the show. For the past 50 epi the FO members meet up early in the morning and head to the village for filming every week. They played countless games together, made dinner/breakfast tgt, slept in the same room tgt, went fishing, get wet/muddy, play pranks at one another. Like friends, like buddies, they helped out each other, have fun teasing and scolding one another without getting mad because they dont blame each other. Thats what i like about them, different characters coming together as a family creating this bond over the year. But now 2 members have to leave, it is very saddening. That ep did make me cry too, the way they film and edit the ep is too emotional. Really hoped that they had stayed all the way till the season end. (lucky i watched it at 2am plus and my family were sleeping already, so no one saw my tears. hahaha)

Watched the following ep without the 2 cast. Although they were replaced by new members, the feeling wasn't the same. It just weird without them. Not that they are not as good as the old birds, their characters are just different, creating a different feel.

Maybe the reason why i felt emotional because i know how it feels when the people you are close to leaves one day. The bond is there, memories are made after months and years. Because of it, even if there's someone new, it will never be the same. But some things cant be stop due to some reasons even if one wants to go back to how they were used to be...

One thing that pulled us apart. Me always not being understanding enough

Afterall, you are still the one i wanted to talk to. After all this time when we didnt contact each other, i thought things were fine, everything settled down.

So many event clashing, making it hard for us to even have a dinner. You are busy with your upcoming exams, i have my own plans and left with about 2 weeks odd before enlist. I dunno if there will still be time for us to meet.

Having to start chatting a little this few days. Suddenly, this very fierce fb status appeared by you. Got the feeling, that i'm one of them u are referring to. I'm trying to read our recent msges.. i admit, maybe i was really like what you described. Not sure if its the way i phrase or wat. But I may have changed, maybe into someone worse or someone that wasnt as good as you think i am. I'm feel sorry if you felt that way..really. But honestly, i'm dont want to be hated by you and still be your good friend like before. :/

Ya, i had be very honest to you all the while. Because thats what i thought i should do if i treated one as my very true friend. Never dared to ask anything in return, just hope you will do the same, not hide things from you be it good or bad. It just came naturally somehow. Even if i did something wrong, i wont hold back my pride and will apologise to hope for forgiveness. That is the least i can do i guess.

Having thoughts about my life. It was sucky, feeling damn down. Had 2 friends who came asking what happened. A moment of feeling damn frustrated, i pushed them away asking them not to bother about me. You know what, in my mind, all my thoughts and stuff i only wanted to share with you.

Everytime when i go for a walk, i always see so many couples together. Till now, i still thought that how great if we were to be together. Before i wanted to confess, i told myself that this should be my first and last r/s, and i will make you happy and special. All my wishful thinkings :(

But on the other hand, lucky you didnt agree, lucky you didnt had any feelings for me. Perhaps i wasn't really as good as what you think i was when we were still best friends. And stupid me, thinking we can be together when in the first place, i dont even fit to be a boyfriend. A girl like you should deserve someone better, someone more understanding, someone who can really make you laugh, smile, happy and special..

Need to drop all this stupid things, when we cant even talk like normal friends. There is hell lot of personal thoughts in all the older posts. To be frank, everytime when i type out all this, i will thinking of the old us and compare with the current situation. And i feel damn damn sad.

I always wanted to ask you these 3 things about us.
1) one thing you regret
2) one thing you miss
3) one thing you wish/hope for

So many things i wanna do

Short term aim

1) Cooking
2) Be able to draw portraits/ caricatures (colour)
3) Get my portfolio done

Long term aim

1) Be an architect, build my own house
2) Learn to play piano
3) Get driving license
4) Go korea

Fate..
To meet someone whom i can be together with for the rest of my life. I want to be happy for once..

Had been having short chats with you these few days. Idk but there's this strange feeling when i chat with you. Something which i cant explain. But one thing that hasnt change, the formal way of communicating. Although I hoped for a change, i know i cant force it.

We still get stuck in our convo halfway, dont know how to continue. I still get the one word replies (lol, ok, lmao) from you after all this time. I wanted to talk in a friendly manner to you, but i afraid you might be scared off. When i joke around, you thought i was serious. Lol. And i finally understand, there is this 'sensitivity issue' in between us.

I think i told you before, i always wanted to enjoy chatting with you, make you laugh through sms. I know i failed badly in that. I cant really make you smile like how your friends yen shan, ivon or your clique does. I feel bad sometimes. Sorry. And i finally understand why you dont reply or gives the one word replies.

To be frank, you always end the convo by saying you wanna sleep or study. Idk, i just feel its one way for you to end the convo. Feels no good, when i was trying to chat with you.

Yoo Jae Suk, a comedian, a nation mc of korea. And also someone i look up too. I had been watching his shows lately, running man & family outing. He is really a funny character, esp the way he speaks, never fail to bring laughter to people. Just by looking at him, you will feel like laughing already. He once said: 'i stress when i'm not funny and i dont make people laugh'

I want to be like him, like always. I wanted to bring laughter to my friends, to the people around me. But often i got rejected, people give me the =.= face, saying me lame. Imagine i'm the MC of the show, and i get those response, of cos it doesnt feel good at all. Even when celebrities goes to variety shows, sometimes they try to be funny but failed and they got embarrass.

One thing i learn from him, he never gives up. It took him 17 years to achieve what he got now. So what if people give you rejection, dont feel bad. Just keep trying. Dont have to be afraid to say or do whatever thing that is in your mind. It doesn't come easy. It all requires hard work. One day, i wanna be like him, bring laughter to people around.

Ahhh had been slacking my freedom away. I should be doing some meaningful stuff instead. The only things i remembered was, online shopping and watching family outing. Oh and went back to spu training on tues too. Had fun catching up with the peeps.

So while waiting for Kshownow to finish the english sub for running man ep 64, i went to watch family outing. I think those shows that got Yoo Jaesuk as the MC is really very good, laughter guaranteed. And every ep i see them preparing breakfast & dinner, makes me wanna cook also! And i admire their close friendship. All the family outing members are really close, always have fun tgt. I hope i can have friends like them..

6th October

Sentosa outing with SPU. I find that, everytime when we go sentosa there's nothing to do. Is the beach that boring? Lol. But whatever, just went there to kill time. Lucky didnt get sunburn. But the unlucky part was when we showered and walking back to the tram station, it started to rain heavily. Damn sian -.- All drenched..

Dinnered at vivo. As usual, carl's junior. Suppose to takeaway and bring to top level to eat tgt, but me jianteck kenneth and leon ate at the place itself instead. Then was trying to get some update of what's going on these few weeks. Realised now the spu is separated into 'west side' and 'north side'. Those staying at west side hang out with themselves only, and same for north side. Conclusion, drifted i guess. And a few internal conflicts. On the surface everyone is in good terms, but actually its not. Sigh.. But anyway, met up with the rest after eating and started playing Big 2 and 99. And a fun time :D

Went to Kelyne's 21st birthday today. Bought her a swatch watch. Hope she likes it! And her mummy is still very funny. Try to joke around and said i look like a korean idol from the way i dressed. Paiseh sia. And saw Li Ying like after 3 years? Her boyfriend was there too. Frankly speaking, his ah beng look really gives me a very bad impression.

On the way back at toa payoh bus interchange, just when i was walking to my bus queue, there's this 2 guys approached me. They were very well dressed and fashionable. They asked if i'm a local, did any advertising stuff or commercial related etc. And they started to compliment about my sharp features and dressing (^^). While they were saying all the stuff, i realise other group of guys who kept looking at me. Also very well dressed, so i assumed they are friends.

At that point of time i was thinking, they must be from some modeling agency or advertising company. Not very interested, and afraid it was a scam, i rejected them before they finish talking. Firstly, i got no interest in all those stuff. Secondly, i dont think i'm as good-looking or fashionable as what they described me as. I'm just a ordinary kid out there (:

Surprised by a msg from you today. It was after so long. I thought, i was doing fine all this while. But it was a mix feeling at that moment. To be frank, i smiled when i saw it was from you. But it felt different somehow. At times i dunno how to reply. All i did was just kept the convo going in a neutral state. Ya you may find that i still give boring replies, having a dull convo with me. Sorry. And i'm glad that you still remember about our dinner.

On the side note, i hope u will still do well in your studies. Good luck and jiayou. I dont know if i should worry for you but, just study hard. Dont slack and play too much ok.

Feeling happy this few days, but deep inside something is just missing. Maybe i was too used to share my happiness with you last time. Suddenly when you are not around, it feels weird. But oh well, so far i'm still coping well i guess. I should just smile more often and life would be better.

Dunno why, something stuck me just now. I hope you are doing well too. Gd thing is you don't really need to depend on others anymore. But there's always 2 directions to everything. Suddenly rmb when i ask u 'how had u been this few days?'. U replied 'same, no diff'. It just makes me feel that whether if i'm around or not, it doesn't make any difference to you. Lol..

Sometimes i try very hard to make myself believe that maybe its good to be this way. There's this saying, when u gain something, you lose something as well. If i'm not wrong, when we got close, you drifted apart from your 2 good friends sharon and derek. But somehow i think things had turned around? Looks like you had been in contact with them alot recently. And afterall, i guess i shouldn't be around in the very first place right? Till now, i still feel a little guilty for your breakup. Surely during that time when we were too close, derek felt at least a little insecure. And i havent apologise yet after so long too.

30th sep 630pm marks the end of my 6 months of work. No more waking up at 7am, no more ot, no more long bus ride. Muhahahaha. But i will miss the company somehow. So nice of them to buy a cake as a token of appreciation for working there.

So my classmates and i went for the mongolian buffet at parkmall. One of the best buffet i had. Got crab, crayfish, prawn, teppanyaki.. And my fav korean actor Song Ji Hyo went there before too! Quite worth the money. After that went to mustafa with my friend to shop around. My 2nd time there, but 1st time to really walk ard the place. Lucky he got bike to send me home.

So tired today, reached home at 2am and this morning have to wake up early to go for scrim. I thought it will end at around 1, in the end ended at 3. Reached home, had lunch and went out again. No time to rest. Went to Fika Swedish Cafe & Bistro to celebrate kevin's birthday. Took quite a few polariod. And first time i see a polariod cam that is abt twice bigger than the normal one. The film is also very big. But its a pity that only a few turn up today. The restaurant was nice, service quite food, food normal but air-con seems to be not working at 2nd floor.

Dun feel like sleeping yet, thoughts of waking up without alarm clock tmr makes me happy

Feeling so lonely and empty. It really sucks like hell seriously. Ya i'm a guy and i shouldnt be like this, but i'm a human with feelings too. Hate my life, hate myself, hate everything that is happening right now.

Currently i only got the Running Man show to keep me occupied. But slowly i'm finishing all the eps..and what should i do next..

If you found some other guy who is worth your time, treats you better, feels more comfortable with, tell me. I'm prepared to hear u asking me to let go or any worse. Then i can try me best to do it, best friend..

I'll back off so you can live better. Suddenly this song sound so meaningful

Counting down 3 more days to freedom! Don't have to work anymore! :D October got so be careful of my expenses because there wont be anymore income before i enlist. Free the whole month, feel like going on a holiday. Korea? Bangkok? Hongkong? I doubt there's anyone that is willing to go with me too. Found alot of tour vouchers at groupon, very cheap! And these few days there's alot of deals in sg, like Manhattan Giant Platter at half price with the voucher!

I typed a msg wanting to tell you about the manhattan promotion and ask if you wanna go eat tgt. 2 things came to my mind. I remember you said you don't like eating manhattan. Second, you are not around for me to ask anymore. So the msg was deleted in the end, sighs.

In the past i was afraid, afraid to be replaced, afraid that someone would treat you better than i do. Wrong thinking back then. Ya afraid to lose you, but that shouldn't be the way because you don't belong to me in the first place. Oh well, worry too much and maybe too sensitive.. But now i hope there's someone that can really treat u better instead.

We haven't been contacting at all. Saved so many useless drafts in my phone. I'm not sure but, do we really have to be like this? Now the only thing i'm most afraid of is hearing you say that all these doesn't matter to you anymore. Its gonna hurt alot more ..

What a boring weekend. No plans, just nua the whole day at home watching running man. Really very addictive, watching every single ep of it. And makes me wanna go korea even more. One fine day, no matter when is it or who am i going with, even if its alone, i will step into south korea. And no one is stopping me from doing that.

Too upset, too stress up, i made the wrong choice to walk away. No turning back, no use regretting too. It had been a week. I realized i may never get the chance to tell you how impt you are as a friend anymore. And never will i get to know who am i & what i meant to you too. Perhaps i need you more than you need me now. Hate it when i find that you are still the one i would turn to. Need to stop being like this.

What goes around comes back around. I remembered how i fall out with yiling the other time. It was very bad back then, when we couldn't solve our problems. But she really hoped we can be good friends, like before she and wy got tgt. Cruel me, i still chose to walk away. Maybe at the that time she felt really upset and i did nth. Now i can completely understand how bad it can hit someone, knowing how good things can just end with just a snap... Or maybe i just don't deserve to have such good friends like u guys..

Its friday today. Weekend for the next 2 days. Totally no plans at all. I wish to ask you out like before, not having to worry if you are free to come/even want to see me or not. To just chill or even spend time sitting at anywhere and talk about anything. I want to, really.. but i cant. Something is stopping me, or perhaps i'm just timid to do so.

TKH had hardly smile ever since we both went separate ways..

This picture say it all. I hope that the last sentence doesn't apply to you. I don't believe you have forgotten all. At least some that you can recall. Because till now, the memories just came back every now and then. And it hurts when we cant spend time tgt anymore..

I really want to rebuild this friendship. Its okay for us to start from 2 years back. But i dunno if u are willing to.. I got 2 drawings for you, and a pen which was supposed to be given to you for your new school sem. Will you accept it?

Finally a meet up with the clique. Tried out Artease at the esplanade. Quite a nice place, just that the aircon dun seems to be working. I was sweating when i enter the place. Food was ok, but just don't order milktea before you eat because it will kill your appetite.

Took some photos after eating, had a short chat. At first i thought Kelvin and KoonHung wouldn't come. Oh well, still some awkwardness between the 2 guys and girls i guess. Talking about the changes within the past few months. Positive or negative change, not very sure. But one thing is, it cant be controlled. Yet again, i felt that this dinner we met up for the sake of meeting. At least we make the time to come down.

SUO 2011! My 2nd sing opens with ZD.

First day was quite gd. Lost our first game to Prime, maybe havent wake up or what. But won the other 3 teams, chuckies, vudogs and swat7D. So we got into pool B. And the weather is really unpredictable. It was so damn hot in the morning and during lunch time, the storm came. We hide under the tentage and it almost flew off.

Second day, first game against Freakshow white. Keep trading points with them, very intense game. Everyone getting frustrated and shouting. Final score was 9-7 to us. Second game with lagi shiok. Same scene and feeling as the seeding when we play against them. We were down by a few points at first. But managed to pull back the score to 6-6 at point cap and we scored the last universal point. One step closer to the finals.

Semi finals was against a aussie team. A very friendly and good spirited team. We manage to get this game 11-6 and get into the finals. First time with zd we got into finals!

It was a Philippines team. They play like beach ultimate, but with damn gd catches. At first we were up by 3 points. Dunno why suddenly we started to screw up everything; throws, drops.. They caught up and soon after they pull the points away from us. I was at the sideline. I saw our players looking at the ground whenever we conceded a point. Fighting spirit from the past 7 games were gone. Final score was 15-8.

Although we didn't win the finals, at least we reached our target, pool b finals. Winning was a bonus for us. We fought for so long, trained for so many weeks, its all worth it. True enough there are alot of unhappiness, but at the end we are still a team, a family. Like joel said, some of us are leaving for army soon, and next year too. What would ZD become during this period? I believe every player in this club wants it to grow and have greater achievements with the black and white jersey.ZD is like a home for me. A place not only to just play the sport but also being able to train with your gd friends. Its a place where we play for friendship, and everything else is just bonus for us. But lately, i'm facing some problems with my health. Maybe its time i go for a checkup for my body, esp my kidney area. Plus committment to army. And after army i should be going overseas to study. So perhaps suo could be the last competition i playing with ZD. But i have no regrets, just hoping no one else leaves the club and those who had mia, to come back.

Frankly speaking, i saw u at the field. Ya, finally after so long. Oh well, something stopped me from going up to you to even just say a few words. But after the game, when i wanted to find you, u are alr gone. 2nd time, and i find it so hard to have even a 5min of your time. Glad that u still msg to tell me that u had left. And ya, i was trying to chat with you but all the replies i get was just yup, ok, hao de. Its all the same. Do we really have to be like this? The feeling sucks. And i'm still waiting by my phone, hoping for a text from you to chat like before

[Overdue: Supposed to be posted on 17th Sep]

SUO in the morning and afternoon. Maybe shall update about it tmr. Evening had a farewell dinner with my poly classmates. 3 of them leaving singapore for studies for 3-5 years. And i think 2 of them wont be coming back to singapore anymore. Sad. Had been in the same class for 3 years leh..

Went to dempsey hill for dinner. First time there. Quite a nice place to hangout with friends for a dinner. But very ex. We went to House and spend $28 on a dish, $5 for gst. But i got to say the food is really good (Y) And in order to get to get to dempsey hill, its best if can drive in. If not have to walk quite abit distance to reach from the nearest bustop out at the road.

[Overdue: Supposed to be posted on 16th Sep]

It was the zd jersey presentation day. In my mind, i thought it was sort of a formal thing where all players from zd can come for the team dinner then after that captains will present the jersey to the players one by one. I was wrong. Kinda stupid to be there actually. I rushed down from work and reached there at 830, still got people havent reach when the presentation starts at 8. And all i did was arranging the jersey nicely by numbers. Then i call out the names, they come and take. Its like teacher giving out exam papers -.- if thats the case, must as well just give on sat itself. Dun see anything special in it. Sorry if i expect too much and not flexible, but i tot it shouldn't be that way :/

Had been working with derek and sharon about suo stuff. Always finding myself stuck in the middle. I can discuss sharon abt one thing, and derek abt another thing at the same time. And sharon is complaining about his style of settling stuff. About the gifts for foreign teams. If i didnt ask derek still need to buy, he wouldnt tell me not to get it and i will waste my $20 on stupid stuff. About the suo fee. Have to pay for the whole team first. $2100, i'm freaking broke now.

Got so many things to inside me and the first person i think of sharing it with is still you. But i realized, i cant. I used to just tell u randomly without having to think twice. Got this feeling that i'm disturbing you. Correct me if i'm wrong. i wish i can still relate to you freely like before, when i'm facing problems or i feel very stress in my life. But now i can only rant at this blog, and not sure if u are reading it too. Perhaps i'm not trying to tell you how bad my life is. Just wanna update you with the things i do through blogpost since we dont text anymore..

Different

Havent found myself smiling ever since all the things happened.. it was so hard to do so..

Ytd I ot again. Used to have you around to message to. At least I don’t feel lonely and down when I’m all alone in the office. But last night it was different. I looked at my phone, wondering if I would receive anything from you. I wanted to message you, but I can’t. Just another lonely night

[Overdue: Supposed to be posted on 8th Sep]

My 2 buddies, Siu Kiat and Jason. They are my brothers since primary school. We were in same class during pri 5 & 6. Plus we stayed at the same place, same interest in basketball and soccer. I remember we used to collect WWE & pokemon cards too. Secondary school, we were in different classes for sec 1 & 2. But we are still able to meet each other because our classes are just beside each other. Me 1F, Jason 1E, SK 1D. I think that 2 years were our hardworking times. Sec 3 & 4, they got into the top second class and me third class. Things still goes well because we mixed around with the same clique. Everyday after school playing soccer at basketball court.

But things starts to be different after O’s. They got into JC, and I got into poly. Poly, I got hell lot of projects and submission to complete. And I started to spend more with my classmates. A lot of time our meet ups clash with our projects, if not I went to choose to go out with my classmates instead of you guys although u had find time out.

Now u guys are in army and I’m still waiting to enlist. Always wanted to find you guys to hang out but NS always took the time away, and our free time don’t meet at all. I guess its karma. Hahaha. But I kind of regret la, to push the meet ups away. Nevertheless, I’m glad that we are still making the effort to find time. Funny thing is, when I enlist, u guys ORD. 2 years later u all are still in uni, while I might be going overseas for studies. Oh man.. just one step at a time for now. U two are ‘bros for life’ \m/.

Next 2, Jinpei and Kelyne. It all started during sec 4 I guess. A lot of things and drama took place even till now. Our clique, no more I guess? Kelvin and KoonHung had left because of some stuff. I think one thing I feel damn bad when I think back is always not being able to meet u guys despite countless times u 2 asked. Projects, Frisbee.. all the commitments I had made us drift apart. A few times I felt abit awkward seriously. Idk why, perhaps we all had changed in one way or another, plus new commitments we had along our life. One thing that didn’t change is u guys still being so caring for a emo friend here. Hahaha. These few years I faced a lot of problems and its always you 2 who keep encouraging me and be there for me. Seriously I appreciate it a lot, until a point when I felt I’m always troubling u guys with my problems and I feel bad.

Dave & Jianteck, my 2 buddies from Frisbee. Sometimes I asked myself, why did I take up this sports ultimate? It was something unexpected. But I know if I didn’t join, I wouldn’t get to know this 2 fun people. Perhaps they are the people, along with a few other people, that added colours to my poly life. But what makes them special is that when they have something good, they never forget to share it with me. When they are sad, we ask each other for advise and lend each other our listening ears. I think that’s very nice of them and I never have any problems relating my stuff to them too. I feel very comfortable and able to talk freely without worrying if I will be judged. Thank you.

The best friend in my life. Someone whom I can really be myself without worrying being judged when I’m together with her. Someone I can be alone with and have nothing to do and not be able to think of anything to say and be comfortable in silence. Someone whom I would like to share my everything with and also a person that I can put my complete trust on.

I guess I had told you what I need to say already. Perhaps there’s some last few word which I’m still preparing. In life, sometimes we just got to do the right thing.. And that is to leave for the time being. Awkward period for us now. I believe things will become better as time pass. But I know in my heart that I had never wanted to leave. I seriously don’t know why I had been thinking about those times when we were very close friends. Maybe I’m already missing those times or I haven’t let go of the friendship yet. But very sad to say, there is an end to all things no matter how much we want to hold on to them. I'd always thought we'd be friends forever. Oh well, forever just got a lot shorter than I expected.

Maybe we won’t be sharing the joy we had with each other, telling each other the happy stuff we had done or sharing our secrets. Maybe we won’t be talking to each other when we face problems in our life already. We will be busy with our own life. In fact I had already found myself feeling empty ever since I lost someone like you or got no guts to do all those things. Not saying that because of all this we can’t talk or meet..we are still friends. I will still be happy to hear from you once in a while, even if you have problems, I’ll still lend you my listening ear or help you in anything no matter what. And I will still trust you, as a best friend (: I apologize for the past when I had mistaken/misjudge or irritate you. I should have been more understanding. And don’t worry, you aren’t too dependent on me at times. I was just lending you a helping hand whenever you need it

Close friends are truly life's treasures. Sometimes they know us better than we know ourselves. With gentle honesty, they are there to guide and support us, to share our laughter and our tears. Their presence reminds us that we are never really alone."
- Vincent van Gogh –

Were we? Ya. Will we? I’m still hoping (:

[Overdue: Supposed to be posted on 8th Sep]

On wed night, I’ve watched ‘Lets Talk’ show. The topic is about friends.

I don’t know what is the first impression I always give to a stranger. The first question in the talk show was “is it difficult to make new friends?”

Given my character, I find it fairly okay to break the wall between myself and a stranger. Often it’s the first impression that tells me whether should I go forward or not. Quite a quiet person, so if that person is friendly, why not? If not its usually through friends.

The host asked, what are the factors when finding friends? I think it comes naturally? Why need to think so much when making a new friend? Unless it’s a good or close friend, then maybe we have to look at the character etc.

The problems for me opening up to new people is because of my own character I guess. I’m a quiet person, and a little introvert since young. Usually I’m afraid to approach someone I don’t really know unless I really need to. Even if I know you, sometimes I don’t talk a lot too. Lol perhaps speaking is one problem for me. That’s why I’m quite a boring person. Hahaha. But if I am very close to you, I can talk to you non-stop even if its random stuff. But over the years I think I had really opened up, thanks to my close friends.

One of the topics they talked about is their experience of being hurt by friend. I don’t really remember any actually, like seriously. Maybe I was just living my life day by day without worries last time. Haha miss those days. But anyway, the guest quoted this: “Make friends with your heart. And make the correct ones. If you want them to be honest & real, start with yourself. This is one of the key point to keep long term friends.” Personally I think I did, to some of my close friends.

Is being alone and not making any friends possible? There is a period of time which I thought it was really alright to be alone. But when I think back, it was kind of sad. I think I must have friends no matter what. With friends, you can have fun together, someone to talk to etc. No friends damn emo sia, and can get depression very easily.

“There is always a few problems you will face when making friends because they are not you”

So what are the few things you look into when having good or close friends? For me, that person just have to be real and truthful. I wouldn’t want to have someone getting close to me because of some motive. And I hate lies (who like it?). No doubt there’s always something which one will never let out to others. But like if everything also hide, what for right? And very impt, we can talk freely about anything.

They had shared some of their true experience of themselves having to lose their good friends. Here I want to share mine too, and words that are left unsaid, all in the next post.